I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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