i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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