Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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