I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
