Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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