it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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