her vagine was all disorganized.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
