I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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