you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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