Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
