If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
