i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
