Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Randomize
