Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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