He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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