I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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