I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
