pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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