He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
