I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
