why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
25 People Confess Their Favorite Way To Annoy Their Significant Other
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
These 21 Women Share What Sexual Harassment In The Military Is Really Like
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.