Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us