You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.