Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her