so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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