Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.