He is an equal opportunity slut.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Dating After Heartbreak
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME