What did we do last night that was yellow?
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.