I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
