This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
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