You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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