Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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