Taylor Swift is so right about you.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
