i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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