At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
