Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
