Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
