WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
