This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize