I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Can you bring me the toilet please
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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