It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
