I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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