You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
my mouth tastes like poor choices
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
