and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
im holly from the hills drunk
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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