I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
i am craving dick and cupcakes
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
