so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
