Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
