he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
