I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
