I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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