I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Randomize
