That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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