let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
