you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
