Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
