His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
