i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
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it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
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On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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