When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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