you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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