Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
