He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
