just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
4 words: hood of his car
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Someone signed my nipple.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
