In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
My liver is preforming stress tests.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
