he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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