Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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