You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
