I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
