just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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