So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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