Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
