I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
