The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
love makes seman taste better
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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