At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
