i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
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