i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
