I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
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