First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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