They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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