If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
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Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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