just come out here and I will go home with you...
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
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