I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I forget how to act sober
Randomize