So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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