Pregnant stripper...not hot.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
