why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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