how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Randomize
