U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Randomize
